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Stacey Herrera

#4 They keep in touch — without being stalker-ish.

Photo: Depositphotos by nd3000

On our very first date, I declared to my partner that I was looking for the type of relationship where I could feel everything. I explained that I understood the risk of being vulnerable and the potential for heartbreak — yet I had a strong desire to go all in.

During my spiel, his celestial blue eyes never lost contact with mine. He did not try to convince me of his willingness to do the same. Nor did he try to sell me on the potential for peril. He just listened.

And when he was certain that I had fully…

He won’t admit it, and I’m furious.

Photo: Depositphotos by photography33

Dear Stacey,

I have been with my husband for almost 15 yrs, married for 5. We have two amazing kids and one on the way. Not long ago, I caught him talking to a co-worker inappropriately, which was embarrassing for me.

He denies anything ever happened, but I have the message burned into my brain.

She said he kissed her, but he denies it. When I confronted him, he acted as if I violated him because I went thru his phone. I trusted him blindly, and I would never have imagined him doing this.

Sometimes it feels like he’s trying…

Sometimes sharing isn’t caring.


We had been dating for several months — pretty casual, hardly serious. And although we’d known each other for years, I was sure that it was as good as it was going to get.

He was attractive, funny, and damaged. The kind of guy you call after the party, but would never invite. Not because he wouldn’t get along with your friends — but because they’d want to keep him around, long after his expiry date.

The sex was good — not great, but good.

He had stamina and a can-do attitude, which made pleasure possible. …

It’s World Sleep Day!


Here’s a sexy tip that will change your life for the better.

Listen up, closely, because this is going to be a game-changer.

Get some sleep.

Seriously. You cannot be sexy and vibrant if you’re running on fumes.

Fuck F.O.M.O., you’re not going to miss anything.

You do not need to stay on the pulse of everything.

Zzzz’s are more important than middle of the night FB posts that are not intended for your time zone.

So set a bedtime. Create a sleepy time ritual (sex is a great sleep aid BTW). Make sleep a priority.

FYI, you cannot grow/heal/recover…

All you need is patience, a consenting partner, and a can-do attitude.

Photo: Depositphotos by VitalikRadko

My primary relationship may appear wildly mundane from the outside looking in. For the most part, it’s drama-free, with the occasional blip of bullshit.

My lover and I have a routine — we go on an official date once a week, and on most weekends, you can find us binge-watching television while keeping our jowls stuffed with crunchy snacks and ice cream.

But our sex life is HOT!

For reasons I am going to explain in just a moment — I can’t seem to keep my lips and hands off of him. I have this impulse to wrap my body…

photo: Depositphotos by VitalikRadko

A little reflection on prioritizing sex in long-term relationships…

…for those of you — who, like me, sometimes struggle to make time for intimacy.

“Eroticism in the home requires active engagement and willful intent.” — Esther Perel

Esther Perel knows her stuff. And after spending nearly every waking moment with my partner of several years for the past two weeks, I get it.

Let me tell you, it wasn’t all sexy, but we were intentional about making time and space for eroticism:

We co-worked together, in different rooms.

Cooked and ate together.

Worked on a 1,000-piece puzzle.

Snuggled while we binge-watched Fargo (season 4) and The Discovery of Witches…

Do more of that…

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

It is not about how much stuff you have. Or how much money is in the bank. It is not about likes, retweets, or double-taps either. The only accurate measure of life is feeling.

Do you feel good? When you are around certain people, do you feel light? Are there particular activities that light you up? What makes you feel content? What makes you smile?

If you pay attention to what feels delicious, you can choose to do more of that. Be intentional about your joy. Take your pleasure seriously.

Discontentment will happen. You will be thrown for a loop…

Be ready, willing, and open to change

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

You are not bound to the person you were yesterday. You are not required to do what you have always done. You can choose differently. You can choose something else.

Somewhere during the course of our lives, we adapt to a habit of sameness. We believe that in order for life to be fulfilling, we need to hold on to what we know, who we have been, and what we have.

The truth is… everything changes — all the time. Things stay the same for a period of time, but it will not last. Life is intended to be fluid…

Everything you need is right here

Photo by John Baker on Unsplash

You woke up with everything you need. There is no money to be made. No approval to be earned. You do not need more of anything…you already have it. It’s all here. This is true every moment of every day.

Whatever it is that you believe you need is never in the now. Your striving is coming from what you perceive is going to happen, not what is actually happening.

Happiness is absolutely sustainable. But to experience it, you have to be present.

Forget about what you should be doing… and focus your attention on what you are doing right…

You are never lost

Photo by Breno Machado on Unsplash

You are never lost. When the way appears to be shrouded in darkness, and there is not a sliver of light, you will always be guided.

It is effortless to trust what your eyes can see. And while there may be comfort in knowing, faith is developed in the dark.

There is nothing to fear. The mystery of the darkness lies in your inability to catch a glimpse of what will happen next. It is the anticipation that scares you. Trying to control the outcome is the cause of your distress.

Darkness requires surrender. Darkness demands patience. Darkness eliminates haste…

Stacey Herrera

Library Fine Payer | Relationship-ing Practitioner | Jalapeño Lover | Intimacy + REALationship Coach | Get updates💋

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