Sign in

Stacey Herrera

#4 They keep in touch — without being stalker-ish.

Photo: Depositphotos by nd3000

On our very first date, I declared to my partner that I was looking for the type of relationship where I could feel everything. I explained that I understood the risk of being vulnerable and the potential for heartbreak — yet I had a strong desire to go all in.

During my spiel, his celestial blue eyes never lost contact with mine. He did not try to convince me of his willingness to do the same. Nor did he try to sell me on the potential for peril. He just listened.

And when he was certain that I had fully…


Because I was upset with my partner.

Photo: Canva.com

I was in a long-term relationship that had grown stale. It was not that we stopped loving one another, but we had lost our way.

Our conversations were terse, the intimacy was nonexistent, and our sex life was on the shelf (complete with cobwebs and lots of dust). I was not happy with the way things were, but I was not willing to be “the one” to fix it.

I should add that he was more than willing to have sex. In fact, he wanted to, all the time. …


Because it’s exciting, sperm is competitive, and orgasms are almost guaranteed.

Photo: Depositphotos by VitalikRadko

At first glance, my partner appears to be mild-mannered. He’s a gentleman, the kind of guy who opens doors and walks on the outside of the street. He tells corny jokes and enjoys field trips to nature reserves and national parks.

And he likes his sex the way he likes his food — moist, spicy, and flavorful.

He loves it when I ride him — reverse cowgirl because that gives him complete access to my voluptuous ass.

The sloshing sound of my W.A.P. arouses him. The sight of me bouncing up and down on his member keeps him on edge…


I met someone that challenged everything I thought I knew.

Photo by Juliette F on Unsplash

I have always considered myself pretty open-minded. I am unapologetically sexual, so talking about sex is easy for me. I was wielding the pussy sword before Ashley Judd recited Nina Donavan’s Nasty Woman poem. I’ve been nasty for as long as I can remember.

Sex is natural, and life is sexually transmitted — literally. So sexuality should be beautiful.

By definition, sexuality means “capacity for sexual feelings.” This definition does not imply sexual orientation or gender identification.

Measuring sexuality

Sexuality is not measured by orgasm achievement, length, or girth. …


The Transformative Justice of Feeling Good

Photo by Gabriel Matula on Unsplash

I was 17 when I entered my first long-term relationship. We were young and dramatic, full of passion and brimming with desire, taking advantage of every opportunity to have hormonally-driven, lust-filled, hungry sex.

We had sex when we were happy. When we were upset — with ourselves and each other, we did it during all four seasons, on moonlit nights and bright sunny afternoons. Neither of us cared about the conditions or whether we were physically comfortable.

For us, sex was primal and urgent. It was compulsive and had almost nothing to do with love. …


Love does not make you immune to heartbreak.

Photo: Depositphotos by AndrewLozovyi

Hello Stacey,

I am a 27-year old woman. I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 8 months. We have a pretty easy life; everything was sweet and full of love from the beginning until I discovered that he cheated on me for a long time with different women.

I am in shock because I thought he was my prince charming. I feel so lost because I want to forgive him, but I can’t forget how he kissed, touched, and had sex with another woman. It hurts me so much. I can’t see myself kissing him…


…your attention is currency.

Photo: Depositphotos by stockbusters

I don’t know about you, but I have grown exhausted by the shenanigans in the dating world. From the catfishers to the ghosters — everybody seems to have a schtick.

Whatever happened to honesty and genuine interest? It still exists

Yes, there are millions of people who are who they say they are. And do what they say they’re going to do. And I refuse to believe that there are more creeps than good peeps. #KeepHopeAlive

But the creeps do exist. And they aren’t always running a scam or perpetrating a financial fraud either. …


The effort is worth the investment.

Photo: Depositphotos by VitalikRadko

It takes commitment and effort to keep long-term relationships from falling into a rut. But just because something requires work doesn’t mean it has to be hard — at least not all the time.

And while people love to say things like, “sex should not be the most important thing in a relationship,” sex is often a great indicator of whether the relationship is in good standing or not. And that’s a fact.

Whether you are married or just boo’d up, if sex is one of the ways you connect — you need to prioritize it. Otherwise, you will most…


He won’t admit it, and I’m furious.

Photo: Depositphotos by photography33

Dear Stacey,

I have been with my husband for almost 15 yrs, married for 5. We have two amazing kids and one on the way. Not long ago, I caught him talking to a co-worker inappropriately, which was embarrassing for me.

He denies anything ever happened, but I have the message burned into my brain.

She said he kissed her, but he denies it. When I confronted him, he acted as if I violated him because I went thru his phone. I trusted him blindly, and I would never have imagined him doing this.

Sometimes it feels like he’s trying…


Sometimes sharing isn’t caring.

Photo: Canva.com

We had been dating for several months — pretty casual, hardly serious. And although we’d known each other for years, I was sure that it was as good as it was going to get.

He was attractive, funny, and damaged. The kind of guy you call after the party, but would never invite. Not because he wouldn’t get along with your friends — but because they’d want to keep him around, long after his expiry date.

The sex was good — not great, but good.

He had stamina and a can-do attitude, which made pleasure possible. …

Stacey Herrera

Library Fine Payer | Relationship-ing Practitioner | Jalapeño Lover | Intimacy + REALationship Coach | Get updates💋 http://bit.ly/StaceyMails

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store