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3 Reasons Why Dismissive Avoidants Act like They Don’t Care
Many dismissive avoidants have difficulty expressing their emotions in a healthy way.
“I have commitment issues,” he declared before our first date. He’d been single for several years following a difficult divorce. And although he was admittedly afraid of getting too serious, he said he was “actively working on letting people in.”
While the red flags were glaring, he was pretty easy on the eyes, and he made me laugh. I had also convinced myself that I wasn’t looking for anything serious, so dating someone with commitment issues seemed ideal. Little did I know that his dismissive-avoidant attachment style would activate my anxious attachment like a moth to a flame.
He would do this thing where he would be available and then disappear. Then he would complain about the things he could use help with but then refuse the help when it was offered. And he would go from cold to hot to frozen solid in the span of a single conversation.
Dating this guy was like riding a high-speed roller coaster on a moonless night. It was impossible to know what he wanted, how he felt, or whether he was into me or not.
When I told him that I couldn’t see him anymore, he was genuinely surprised. While I was struggling with his ambivalence, he thought things were fine. The ability to be himself without being judged allowed him to feel deeply connected to me.
In other words, while he was feeling safe and secure in what we had, I was feeling alone and isolated.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment style
Many people with dismissive-avoidant attachment styles are dismissive throughout their lives without knowing it. Dismissive behavior can come in the form of emotional distancing, controlling behaviors, or angry outbursts.
The dismissive-avoidant attachment style is characterized by a fear of intimacy, avoidance of closeness, and discomfort with emotions. People with this attachment style tend to be independent and self-sufficient. They often suppress their emotions and may have difficulty expressing their feelings in a healthy way.
